Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He kissed a someone with a penis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
