i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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