I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
