you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
