i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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