So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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