Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
