Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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