I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
