I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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