You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
