God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
