im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
