Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
