I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
