I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Randomize
