omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
