1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
