Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
