i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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