I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
