You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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