She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
