I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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