Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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