Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
