i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
