Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
