it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
