Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
