there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
