we're chasing vodka with high fives
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
