he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
