Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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