I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
did you just send me my own nude
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
