Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
