What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my being single is dangerous.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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