im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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