Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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