Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
