I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
