Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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