just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
