I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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