All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
