The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize