this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
