Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
