I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
