so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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