I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
