i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
