This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Green mimosas i think yes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize