the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
