I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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