i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
