We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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