Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
