I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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