Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
