Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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