I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
