My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
