I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize