these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
