youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
