I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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