I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
